Let me talk about my neighbors.....

You know,  this time last year I bought my (I should say we) dream house.  It isn't the typical dream house.  Not a McMansion, not huge and brick,  but it is Mr. Angry Mommy's and my taste.   And it is bigger than the last house and has all these gorgeous sliding doors (which, typically, I hate sliding doors, they seem cheap compared to french doors, but since there is a wall of sliders from one end of the house to the other, it seems OK), a huge lot, trees, a giant basement (our old house had almost no basement, a cellar if you will) - it is just the house for us.  In fact, we were trolling the listings separately, and we both found it and wanted to see it.

ANYWAY.......  The property was for sale a long time.  It isn't a conventional house and they wanted A LOT for it.  The sellers ended up sub-dividing the property and selling the part of the back lot to the idiot neighbors we have now.  OK, he may not be an idiot, wait, who are we kidding, if he listens to the baffoon that is his wife, he's an idiot.  So, they paid 400 G's for this little plot of land (I said they were dumb right?) and set about building a house for them and their 4 kids.  Interesting fact about these people, their daughter turned 7 in June and this is the six house she has lived in.  Anyway, they had an architect, who moved out of the country mid project.  Wouldn't you hire a new one?  I mean, if you are planing to shell out huge money, wouldn't you pay a couple of thousand for new drawings instead of emailing back and forth from Mozambique?

Then here is the really important part of the story - the wife acted as the general contractor for the project.  Yeah, one of their handymen, is also a pilot.  Their house is brick, but the extra garage they built has white vinyl siding.  And is almost as tall as the house - who approved their permit, I will never know. I could go on and on about their design chocies, like the sleeping porch off the master bedroom that is supposed to look added on.  (It does by the way and it is crooked.)  Who wants something to look added on when you are spending 7 figures for your house?  And it isn't a farmhouse - it is a brick house - three stories.  And there is the kitchen which isn't finished - they bought cabinets from an insurance company - they had been in a fire.  And the third floor isn't finished.  They have lived in the house for over six months and they have NO landscaping.  In fact, we landscaped this summer and she was sad that we disposed of our 40 year old evergreens and she didn't get a chance to buy them for her house.  And the old fencing piled up in the back yard with all the big chunks of tree that were cut down to make room for the house. (Did I mention our landscaping was supposed to help block this big mess?  It barely helps.  Mr. Angry Mommy wants to put up a 8 foot privacy fence.  It will block the sight, but, their thistles will still continue to creep into our yard, fence or no fence.)

Let's first talk about how they moved in, then I will tell you how all four garages are filled with junk and they cannot put their cars in them.  A moving van brought their stuff - they got temporary occupancy while the house was being finished (HA!).  Then, a couple of fridays later, their was a u-haul going back and forth between this house and their rental house all weekend.  Then come Tuesday, Two Men and a Truck came for the next two or three days.  They pull the lawn mower out of a slot in the garage and then it goes right back in.  Four garages, the detached one has attic space.  Plus a basement.  All this storage and there is still shit on their side porch (their main entrance that faces my house) football equipment (they empty their Suburbans (more on those next) onto the porch, not the garage.  A stroller, a wagon.  You name it, it is out there.  OH, and the famr size John Deere tractor that was there all Summer.  You know, 'cause they graded their own yard (except for the back, they left that full of weeds and overgrown plants).  And now I am looking at a trailer and a Suburban that hasn't moved in at least a week and a half.  She mentioned this past spring on of their cars had transmission problems.  They do have an old jeep that he, a dental professional drives. This past summer he was driving the suburban without the air.  Yesterday a new Suburban pulled up, he got out and I was like AHA! that other one doesn't work (Am I Mrs. Kravitz or what?  I swear, but until I get a fence, this is all in plain sight.  It is hard NOT to look out back of my house - it is like a bad, white trash play.) Anyway, they loaded the new one up and went somewhere - leaving us a peaceful weekend. Mr. Angry Mommy thinks they rented it because it was already plated. 

They are very loud with all their kids.  Coming in after my kids are asleep.  So loud.  Loud in the afternoon is one thing, after 9 on a school night, another.  OH, and they leave their door open for 10s of minutes.  Like a barn door.  Did I mention the gravel on the side of the driveway that is adjacent to our fence?  OK, I am happy they have a driveway.......  People, I could go on and on and on.  And I do.  This is like a bad sitcom to the Angry Mommy and her husband.

Oh, oh, oh, I have to tell you, after I let her take my girls for manis/pedis for her daughter's birthday, she tells me how she runs into things in parking lots.  Her 7 year old doesn't sit in a booster (and she isn't much bigger than my tiny six year old) and I have seen the 7 year old in the front seat.  Oh, it is is better.  Crazy neighbor tells me how she took a bunch of kids to the big city (60 miles away) and she didn't have enough seat belts, so she had kids double up.  Would you tell this to anybody?  Don't you hope it was her kids that doubled up?  Who does this????????

So, I am calm now and have to get ready for my boot camp class.  Hopefully there will be some boxing so I can picture their house in front of me. And maybe the crazy woman who built it.  Oh, and they won't move like I hope, because you know no one will pay for the house what they have into it.  It is a disaster!

I am calm, find my happy place, find my happy place.  Ommmmmmm!!!!!

What is Modest Clothing?

One of the worst things about blogging rants is that there is never a computer around when I feel the rant coming on.  I use the computer in the kids playroom to do my ranting, and really, I do avoid coming up here unless absolutely necessary. 

Anyway, I read this blog, Lil Blue Boo (the woman is deserving of her own rant someday, but not today because I won't rant about someone who has faced great tragedy and keeps on keeping on, if only I were so positive but then I would be writing this drivel would I.  OK, here is a little juice about Lil Blue Boo, everyone who comments blows sunshine from their ass.  Lil Boo posted a photo of herself in a hat with dreadlocks, and people were falling over themselves to comment on how wonderful she looked in it.  Now, Ashley is attractive and she pulls bald off very well, and while a hat is fine, the dreadlocks were horrid.  I am sorry, there are very few people who can and should sport them.  A white girl from California is not one.)  and she has a sponsor that sells clothes that are MODEST.  What the hell does that mean?  Their tag is Modern Modest Clothing.  The owner writes that we are all so busy looking for modest clothing is a hassle.  OH MY GOD!  The site, noVae, shows a scoop neck top, a camisole and a skirt a bit above the knee.  Using what they sell as an example, there is modest clothing everywhere.  OK, maybe not Victoria's Secret, but they sell underwear.  It would be different if they were clothes like Chloe Sevingy wore on Big Love - all buttoned up and dragging floor.   I know it shouldn't bother me and it doesn't much, but I think it is a marketing ploy to sell marginal looking clothes.  Because I don't dress provocatively, (well, not everyday, occasionally, once a year if I am lucky) and I buy my clothes from Target, J. Crew, Anthropologie and some local stores in my town.  I think most of what we wear is modest.  OK, I am losing steam with this one.  I got a little one who wants a princess book read to her.  Again.  That should be my next rant, how Little C has to wear her favorite red Belle dress every day.  Even after she has urinated in it. 

Why Is Everything a Mess or Why Haven't I Taught my Kids to Pick up After Themselves

Why is my house a mess?  There is shit everywhere!  The kids have their own dedicated toy room, hell, they have a toy upstairs.  Two rooms and a bathroom (yes, Bubby plays with water in the bathroom.  Makes up water sets using tupperware and Playmobil, I guess better in the bathroom than on my zillion dollar wood floors.)  One room is toys the other is a play house and a kitchen set.  So why, since they have several hundred square feet, do their toys end up all over the house.  There are toys in their room, toys in my bathroom, toys in the family room in the TV stand, toys in the hearth room (yeah, yeah, I have a big house - you'll never (fingers crossed) hear me rant (well maybe if the furnace breaks or maybe about how much it will be to replace the huge driveway) about my dream house.  I love it.  My heart swells when I pull into the driveway.  And yes, I am shallow), toys in the art room, toys in my office and toys in the mudroom.  You would be right thinking they have a lot of toys.  But they are not the normal kind of toys.  Bubby likes squishy little lizards and aquatic life from the dollar bin at Target.  Chicken likes the Disney Polly Pocket-like princesses (cannot tell you how many I have replaced because Lunatic the crazy dog eats them like Easter jelly beans).  So there is little stuff everywhere.  Open a drawer and there is a Playmobil gorilla.  Or Strawberry Shortcake.  Or a tea set.  Or the tea set in the turtle tent in my family room.

Who picks it up?  Well mostly my The Saint aka my husband.  I pick up the toy room every other week with the kids so The Miracle Worker aka the housekeeper can clean upstairs (which she only does every other weeks since nobody comes up here but the kids.  They mind of trash the bathroom up here, so The MW takes care of that too.)  I ask Bubby and Chicken to do it.  They do it a bit, whine how is is hard, then when I am not looking or lording over them, they slip away and make a mess in a room far far away.

And really, the only decent organized example they have is The Saint.  Me?  I still have Easter stuff on the dining room table (I did get rid of the hard boiled eggs BEFORE they started to smell - yes, smart asses, I AM patting myself in the back.) My office is a dizzying array of fabric, craft supplies, stuff for my taxes and bills.  Really, how would I ever be able to get entrepreneurial and make some extra dough to pay for my vacation habit (or my shoe habit or my expensive chocolate habit, or my jeans habit, or my pilates habit or my kids clothes and shoes habit.  Who doesn't have clothes in this house?  The Saint.)

I am not making the case for a frustrated mother overrun by her uncaring children, am I?  Oh, you say they are only 5 and 2 so they can't possibly be messy just to make me even crazier than I already am?  The hell you say.  Chicken calls me pooh pooh head just because she know I can't stand it.  And she is 2.  You should see how she eggs Bubby on and on.

So, here I sit, typing a post that nobody will read, instead of putting away the laundry (3 weeks worth) or emptying the dish washer, or helping the kids clean up their shit, or, OH CRAP, I do need to send the taxes....

I wish I could give this blog a chance! And why I hate the Pet Sitter

This poor blog.  I don't even know why I think I should try, when I have another blog that also gets ignored.  It is just that I lay there at night with a rant on my mind, and I think  "Wow, this would be a great rant for my little ranting blog."  I had a whole rant on this blog post, where the husband tells his wife that it is her job to get up in the middle of the night with their sick kids.  You know, 'cause he works.  Thank god, I do not have a husband that thinks this way.  We take turns - even when it comes to letting the dog out in the middle of the night.  So, I can't rant about my husband (well, not on this matter.  But should we discuss the PayPal bill?).   As I read through some of the comments, there were women that agreed with the husband.  Really?  Am I burning my nursing bra alone?  Some of my friends have husbands that don't pull their weight around the house, and I always wonder why they put up with it.  Or, the husbands go out to a bar until 4 in the morning and are passed out wearing a crown during breakfast.  Seriously? Come Saturday and Sunday, my husband better be on his A game to help with Frick and Frack.  I spend all week with the little noise makers.   Sometimes it is nice to shower without a little head peeking in and asking for help to go potty.

OK, now the Pet Sitter.  We have (or had) 2 dogs, 2 cats and a turtle.  So, when we went away for our spring holiday, I didn't want to board the animals. One, it was very expensive.  Two, one of our dogs is 15, and I thought she would be more comfortable (and be less confusing) if she were at home.  So, I asked the vet for recommendations.  I called three people, one of which called me back right away.  The others, not so much.  One called, said she would call back when she had her schedule (never did ) and the other called about a week after I left the message.  Anyway, I chose  Pet Sitter, even though when I saw her she was old and, well, not in the best of shape.  But, I was saving money and my girls would be home.  Well,  She called me the morning we were coming home and said there was bad news.  One of my cats went out the night before, wouldn't come in, so when Pet Sitter came back in the morning, my cat was dead outside, by herself.  Devastated, to say the least.  Then we came home, opened the front door to a puddle of urine, with a chewed up dog bed in the middle.  Plus the smell of urine everywhere, a chewed up couch cushion (couch is less than a month old), poop.  It was horrible.  Our house keeper came the next morning and let us know when she came Tuesday (we came home Thursday evening) morning at 8am, the dogs ran out, and the house was a mess of urine and poop.   It took 4 scrubbings to get the smell out of our brick hall and foyer.  I haven't paid her yet ($15 a visit).  I haven't called her, I don't know what to do.  The dogs haven't peed in the house since we've been home.  Pet Sitter was supposed to come 4 times each day.  House Keeper  was there at 8, but Pet Sitter didn't come until 1pm.  Did Pet Sitter come at 7am and the dogs were still sleeping?  So, needless to say, I will either board them next time or maybe House Keeper will stay or watch them herself.  I trust her with my actual children, so that would probably be a better bet.  Makes me wished we never moved from our old house, because Old Neighbor was the best pet sitter.  And free.